Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow
by DoubleBB
Summary: What if Stephan finds out that he has cancer? How will Brendan react to the fact that he could lose Stephan possibly forever?
1. Chapter 1

_Hiya :)_

_This is my first story so I'm kind of nervous about it. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it._

_I hope there aren't many mistakes in my grammer or punctuation but if there are then I apologize. After you've read this please review and let me know your honest opinion and any constuctive critism you have to offer._

_Like I said before I hope you like it & I'm currently looking for a beta so if your willing to be my beta or know someone that can then please PM me_

_Thanks_

* * *

><p><strong>Stephen's POV<strong>

I take a deep breath before knocking on the dull white door.

"Come in" I hear the sharp familiar voice reply.

I slowly push the door and step inside the plain room to find Doctor Andrew Cullen standing up in a way of greeting.

"Hi Ste. How are you today?" He says as he shakes my hand. For some reason his voice lacks the joyfulness it normally does when her greets me. But I quickly put it down to tiredness.

"To be honest I feel alot worse that I did before"

He nods as if he thats what he expected me to say.

It all started a few weeks ago when I started getting a slight fever and some chills at first I immediately dismissed it down to tiredness from working long shifts. However, soon I started getting persistent stomach pains that were so bad that no matter how many paracetamols I took the pain just wouldn't go away. It got so bad that it took alot of energy just to get up in the mornings but I just assumed it was down to the lack of sleep I got. At first Amy thought that I was depressed because I had just recently dumped Brendan, but after she saw the constant weight loss and difficulty in breathing she had to admit that there was something wrong with me rather than love sickness as she had thought. I wasn't eating alot and if I'm honest I didn't want to eat before the mere thought of food made me want to puke. Eventually, I had to admit defeat and let Amy drag me to the Doctors to get checked out.

Two weeks ago I came to the Doctors surgery, where Andrew checked my virals and got some blood and urine samples which he sent off to the lab to get tested. From his body language I could instantly tell that he did have an idea of what was wrong with me and he just needed confirmation before he told me. The way he felt my stomach it was as if... he was searching for something. A lump? Brusing? Maybe or maybe I was just letting my imagination get away with me.

Anyway I knew it was bad news when he called me this morning on my mobile when I was making breakfast for my kids asking me to come into his office at lunch time to discuss the results that he recieved from the lab.

So here I am in his office as once again he checks vital signs such as; weight, pulse temperature and the amount of breaths I can take in a minute. I catch him frowning as I take slow, shallow breaths.

He looks at me with his big green eyes before turning back to his clipboard and noting some thing down.

I have to admit that his eyes are gorgeous not as intoxicating as Brendan's but still beautiful. As I wait, I find myself comparing his features to Brendan's in detail. Doctor Cullen or Andrew as everyone calls him outside of work is hardly a troll but definitely not my type. Since Andrew first arrived to Cheshire its become a known fact that he likes me. But for some reason I refuse to acknowledge the fact that he likes me and pretend to be none the wiser. He often turns up in Chez Chez after work and hangs out near the bar chatting to me in between me serving punters. The reason why I haven't told him where to go is because I love seeing a jealous Brendan and because it feels good to be wanted. After Brendan its like I've forgotten how to enjoy life and just have fun. Everything with me and Brendan was so... serious and controlled so in a way it feels good just to be able to let my hair down and just have some fun. I look at Andrew in his Doctors uniform and have to confess that he looks extra sexy today.

"Ste?" I jerk my head as I'm broken out of my daydream by his melodic voice.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" He asks as he lays a hand on my upper arm "You seem flustered"

I nod as and avert my eyes as I blush "Yeah, just feel abit hot"

He gets up and walks to the window and opens it before going to the mini fridge by his desk and taking out a cold bottle of water.

"Here" he says as he hands it to me.

"Cheers" I say as I take a sip before turning my attention back towards the matter at hand. _The results._ I know there bad, that much is obvious but how bad? Do I even want to know?

"So...Did you find out whats wrong with me?"

He reaches over to his desk and grabs a envelope with my name on it in black marker. He opens the letter and reads it and winces as he does. I gulp as I bite back the vomit thats threatening to come out my mouth.

"What did the results say?" I ask fearfully.

"Stephen" he say as he pauses. My heartbeat increases as a sickening feeling develops in my stomach.

He looks at me sympathetically which makes me want to run back home and hide under the covers.

"What did they find?" I whisper.

Fear fills my heart and I feel the world crumble beneath me as he says the words that I have been dreading.

"Stephen, You've got cancer..."

* * *

><p><em>Please review &amp; Let me know what you think x x<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed :) **_

_**I hope this lives up to everyones expectations and just so you know it switches between Brendan & Stephen's POV**_

_**Next Chapter will be Stephen's reaction to finding out that he has cancer.**_

_**Review & Let me know what you think!**_

_**Thanks x x**_

**Brendans POV**

Three weeks... It has been exactly three weeks since Me and Stephen broke up. Whoever said time heals wounds obviously didn't know what he was talking about because trust me it doesn't.

Exactly three weeks since he walked out of my house and out of my life. It's not like I don't see him any more because I do, almost everyday but it's just not the same. He comes in to work every single day but most of the time is spent ignoring me or flirting with Doctor Cullen or Andrew as he so lovingly told Stephen to call him.

At first Stephen would ignore him but soon it started to seem like he _enjoyed _his company. Heck who can blame him? I have to admit that the new Doc is remarkably handsome and charming but so am I. Only difference between me and Cullen here is that he's sensitive and caring two qualities that I supposedly lack.

So here I am sat in my office trying to find a way to stop Cullen from taking whats mine. Why you may ask? Well the answer is simple. I'm. Not. Blind. I've seen the way Stephen looks at him. This Cullen is definitely a threat in ways Noah wasn't. When Stephen was with Noah, I knew that it wouldn't last and that Stephen would be back with me in no time, I just had to watch and wait. But this, this is different. The way Cullen broke through the walls that Stephen stubborningly surrounded himself with after we broke. Like I said before I'm not blind, I've seen the way he can change Stephens moods in a flash, Stephen can be upset and moody all day and one joke from Cullen can make him giddy with laughter all night. It angers me but theres nothing I can do. Why not warn him off Brendan, you may ask? Well the truth is I already have but it seems hes not easily intimidated.

I briefly consider calling Stephen into my office and having it out with him. Cullen maybe charming and handsome and ridiculously sweet but theres no way in hell that Stephen can resist me. However, I've begun to realise that everytime we break up the walls that Stephen surrounds himself with get higher and higher and It'll only be a matter of time before it'll be impossible for me to break through.

I stagger over to the door in the intention of calling Stephen into my office but I soon realise that he's not working today. No, I remember Chez telling me about him not feeling well and going to the Doctors. Doctor Cullens no doubt. I wonder what kind of treatment Doctor Cullen is prescribing for Stephen's "illness" then I wince as images of Cullen seducing my Stephen fill my mind.

"No! He will never get his dirty, grubby hands on MY boy" I scream as I grab the empty bottle that I have finished drinking from and without a second thought, I throw it against the wall. I watch as the bottle slams into the wall with a loud bang before scattering tiny clear pieces everywhere. I sit back into my chair and reach for a pen and paper with an odd satisfication at what I just did.

Since all I'm doing is sitting here and wallowing in self pity and staring at a peice of paper that has been blank for the last hour, I decide that I should do something to keep my mind off what Cullen and Stephen are getting up to.

I decide that since I have nothing better to do I might as well write down all my good qualities in regards to Stephen and then do the same for Cullen and compare them. Maybe it'd shed some light on what Cullen has that I don't have. Heck, if I realise what Stephen wants I'll even be willing to try to change. But thats the big question...What is it that Stephen wants? Hell, I'm not a mind reader am I?

I neatly write Brendan on the left side of the page and quickly draw a line going downwards to split the paper into two sides and then I write Cullen on the right hand side.

I start with me first.

**1) Loyal- **I'm loyal aren't i? I would never cheat on Stephen and if Stephen was ever in trouble I'd definitely have his back.

**2)** **Generous- **If Stephen ever needed money for his kids or for himself I'd help him out in a heartbeat.

**3) I want to keep him safe- **Some may say that this doesn't count as one of my "Good qualities" since it's me that mostly hurts him but I never want harm to fall upon him and thats the God damn truth. If Stephen ever came back I'd never ever hurt him again because I've realised that hitting him makes me no better than my father, a person I never want to be.

**4) I want to him to be the best father he can possibly be- **I want the best for him and his kids because I know he loves them to death and that they are his world. He always tries to give them everything there little hearts desire, everything that his parents never gave him.

**5) I want him to be happy-** I know people will say that I'm a controlling bastard but away from fracade I honestly do want him to be happy and if for a minute I thought that he'd be happy with Noah or Cullen then I'd let him go. I swear to God I would, but I could instantly see that moving to Newcastle with Noah was a mistake and that he would live to regret it. So I payed Sean to seduce Noah but no matter what anyone says it's not all my fault. No one made Noah get into that hot tub with Sean, no one made him cheat.

**5) I have the best intentions at heart- **My intentions regarding Stephen are pure but they get jumbled up in all of the mess. Deep down I do intend on making Stephen happy but circumstances happen that force me to burry those intentions and hurt him but to be honest I don't originally intend on hurting him. It just happens and when I realise what I have done it is too late.

**6) I went on that date with Stephen- **I wasn't comfortable on going but I went because I wanted to make him happy. You could say that the first chance I got I legged it but I went though didn't I?

**7) I killed Danny- ** I killed Danny Houston for him. I murdered Danny just to keep Stephen safe and I'd do it again. Take that Cullen. I bet you'd never even dream of doing that for Stephen or anyone else. I bet you wouldn't give two hoots about Stephen if you were put in a similar position.

**8) I try to understand- **In hospital after Stephen confessed that he hit me with the baseball bat, I didn't get angry like I would have if it was someone else but instead I tried to understand. He was confused and vunerable and I think thats one of the reasons he went off with Noah.

**9) I told him I loved him- **Even though the circumstances that happened after pushed me back into the closet I honestly did mean it. I did love him. I still do and it doesn't get better than that. He loves me and I love him and that itself gives me hope that we will be together again.

**10) I'd never desert him during his time of need- **No matter what I'd never leave him because I love him.

10 things. Done. I look through the ten things and I realise that they might not make me the perfect man or the man of Stephen's dreams but there a part of a new and improved me, that even though I didn't realise it somehow... somehow this boy has gotten under my skin and changed me. Not completely but I'm getting there.

I turn towards Cullens side of the page.

**1) Carefree- **He's carefree thats for sure and I reckon that it's one the reasons Stephen enjoys his company.

**2) Makes Stephen laugh- **He makes Stephen laugh and I think thats another reason why young Stephen enjoys his company. With me Stephen always was serious because thats how our relationship was and now that we're over Stephen obviously wants something thats fun and not too serious and that itself fills me with hope because it's just a bit of fun, nothing like our relationship. I don't know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing.

**3) Cullen's Charming**- It all started off with Stephen being resistent towards Cullens flirting but soon Cullen turned on the charm and showed Stephen how to "enjoy life" as he so kindly put it. Its not that I don't want Stephen to have fun but I don't want him to be led astray by Mr Fun.

**4) Listener- **He listens to Stephen thats for sure. He listens to what he has to say and takes his opinion into consideration. Unlike me, but if it means keeping Stephen I'll be willing to listen and talk things through rather than doing as I please.

**5) Not violent- **He wouldn't dare of hitting Stephen. I'm not sure whether it's because he'd have me on his case if he did or if he is truely against violence. But he doesn't hit him and neither will I if he just comes back to me.

I try to think of any other qualities that he has that might be worth noting down but I come up with a blank.

Brendan- 10

Cullen- 4

"Hah, take that Cullen!" I mock as I furiously scribble over his name "No matter how much you charm Stephen and make him laugh, it doesn't change the fact that he LOVES me and I LOVE him."

I scoff "No contest, so you might as well give up now."

No matter what happens I will never give up on him that much is for sure. Through thick through thin I will be there for him and thats more than I can say about you, dear Cullen.


End file.
